my thoughts on the environment, travel and life reflections

HATI YANG DAMAI (PEACEFUL HEART)

April 8th, 2025

Indonesia has a famous female novelist. Her name is Nurhayati Dini or NH Dini.I read one of her novels, Hati Yang Damai (Peaceful Heart), for the first time in high school. At that time, I registered as a member of the regional library. With the membership card, I could borrow two books to take home.

This novel explores the theme of romance. The dialogue flows smoothly while effectively conveying Dati’s anxiety as she fights for her love. As a teenager, I was confused by the ups and downs of romance portrayed in the story. When the novel touched on the issue of infidelity, that was too hard for my consumption as a very young girl. Now (I have been much older), I realize that many others have similar experiences.

I have read the novel more than twice and enjoy revisiting it. I need to explore and better understand Dati’s anxiety.

What I like about NH Dini’s writing is her deliberate pacing and detailed descriptions of her characters. This is slightly reminiscent of Jane Austen’s style. However, the social backgrounds of the characters created by Jane and NH Dini differ significantly. While Austen often writes about characters from noble backgrounds, NH Dini focuses on ordinary Javanese women in her novels.

Hati Yang Damai was published in 1961. In my opinion, the storyline is quite daring. A married woman involved in a love triangle? Only NH Dini was moved to write that in her novel, going against the era that idolized married women as someone loyal and devoted to their husbands and families.
BE A TOUGHT WOMAN LIKE ANNE ELLIOT

April 7th, 2025

Anne Elliot (https://janeausten.co.uk/blogs/extended-reading/she-was-only-anne-elliot)

Have you ever read Jane Austen’s novel Persuasion? There, you will meet a character named Anne Elliot. She is described as the middle child of three sisters who are neglected and forced to always give in. Actually, in terms of personality, she is the toughest.

I read the novel Persuasion and watched two versions of its film. Both the novel and film fascinated me. I felt like I was in the novel and the films as if I was near Anne at that time.

In that era, women aimed to marry noble and wealthy husbands, but Anne decided to marry for love instead. Her family rejected Frederick due to his lower social status. Frederick felt disappointed in her obedience to her family. He didn’t know that Anne had turned down other marriage proposals as a sign of her commitment and loyalty to him.

I admire a woman who is not too realistic. Once in a while, especially regarding love, she must act idealistic. This is not easy, but true feelings, beliefs, and prayers can help to make this happen.

I think the universe heard the whispers in Anne’s heart. Her determination to wait, even without certainty, produced good results.

Women should not be labeled as materialistic and easily dazzled by wealth and status. In matters of love and finding a life partner, it is fundamental to be idealistic. Wait patiently for your soulmate to come.
FORGIVE YOUR SIBLINGS

April 6th, 2025
One of the things that makes me happy at this stage of life is my ability to think more calmly and simply without overthinking the past. Perhaps this perspective is also influenced by religious teachings that ask individuals to cultivate a forgiving nature.

One significant example of my personal growth is my ability to forgive my brothers despite past disappointments. Once, I was so angry that it resulted in a breakdown of communication between us.

One of my brothers experienced a painful divorce at 50, which severely impacted him financially. When he asked for help, I realized that holding onto my anger would only keep me from reaching out. I chose to set aside my disappointments and support him, even with doubts about his intentions and whether my help would lead to positive change.

In this case, I have several considerations.
1. I am no longer young. I could die at any time. Leaving my brother to live in poverty while I can help is a negative attitude. I would not be proud of myself.
2. If he lied to me or didn’t use the money I gave him to rebuild his work, the one who loses is himself. But I hope he learns from the failure of his marriage and economy.
3. My wealth is a gift from God. I help him by using wealth or money that does not interfere with fulfilling my needs. Helping others does not harm my family.
4. I always believe that kindness to other people will be repaid with kindness by God. Especially kindness to my own brother.
5. Our siblingship is improving. That’s very relieving for both of us.
I believe everyone has problems with their siblings. While there is still an opportunity, please try to fix it.

Happy weekend, all. Cheers.
FREE BABY CARE

April 5th, 2025

This question is fascinating.

Who does not need money? We work to get money, right?

However, I have one exception: I am willing to be an unpaid babysitter for my grandchildren. I will even prepare my house to be a safe and fun playground for them.

But this is only a part-time job. I can’t afford to take care of my children all the time. Anyway, that is still their parents’ job.
A MOTHER’S VIEW ON FAMILY ISSUES

April 4th, 2025
If you are facing family problems, to what extent are you willing to sacrifice your personal interests so that the problem can be resolved or at least reduced?

The more important message here is never to panic or get angry quickly. I have learned much from this life and tried to find the secret behind a problem. Some of the things I have learned are as follows:
1. When a problem worsens, I remind myself that it is likely reaching its peak and will soon start to improve. I strive to stay calm and maintain my sanity, avoiding panic. Instead, I focus on praying and finding ways to lessen its impact.
2. If there is an opportunity to resolve it with sacrifice from my side, but the sacrifice is not principled, I will take that solution.
3. Open communication with close family members is essential when addressing family issues. I take the initiative in these situations. My children may struggle to resolve their problems, often postponing them, so I make it a point to approach them and offer my help as much as possible.
4. Peace of life is my priority. I convey this to family members so that they understand and have one vision for resolving family problems.
What is your perspective about this matter, my friends? Do you think that your children’s problems are not your concern?
PESSIMISTIC, BUT I WILL TRY

April 3rd, 2025

I reside in a small urban area with diverse social classes. Among the challenges faced by my community, I am particularly interested in addressing issues related to cleanliness, environmental aesthetics, and reading habits.

However, it is tricky to influence people to improve the environment when they believe everything is fine. In conversations or meetings in my neighborhood or with my friends, I try to casually bring up topics about managing household waste, particularly organic waste, by suggesting composting. I also encourage them to plant trees in empty areas. The government provides trees for free; individuals can request specific types.

I love reading. But it’s rare to meet friends who share the same passion. Over the years, hardly anyone has borrowed my books. Fostering a love for reading is still quite challenging. Reading is still an exclusive hobby.

There are many ways I can contribute to improving my community, but I need to be realistic about my patience levels—hahaha. If there’s a community group working on a social project nearby, donating to support their activities is good. And frankly, it’s an easier option rather than doing it by myself.
INFIDELITY IN A STRONG MARRIAGE

April 2nd, 2025

What is your opinion about infidelity?

Infidelity among politicians, artists, and the rich in my country is rampant. Generally, the man is having an affair with a young woman – the same age as his daughter – who is indeed pursuing a well-established man as a partner.

This is not a love-based relationship between a man and a woman. This is a transactional relationship, a short-term relationship with mutual benefits. The man provides money and facilities, and the woman gives pleasure. This relationship is safer in terms of health compared to using a prostitute.

My society is known to be religious and respects manners. But times have changed. Religion and customs are only for those who still believe in them. Others may disobey.

The influence of social media is significant in changing people’s behavior, especially poisoning the minds of young girls. They hunt for gentlemen who will finance their luxurious lifestyles, regardless of whether the man is married.

Social media often brings the topic of infidelity to the forefront, exposing it for everyone to see. I can only imagine the devastation it causes to the family of the man involved in the affair. His wife might have been aware of her husband’s infidelity, but what about their daughter or son? They may have viewed their father as the hero of the family—a man who works hard for them—only to discover that he has been having an affair with a younger woman.

Young mistresses astonishingly come from good, religious families. However, they do not express regret. They are even willing to speak up and argue for recognition and acceptance.

Despite the turmoil of marriage, I admire families that can reconcile. This hint of a strong marriage that remains unshaken by fleeting temptations. Wives who take their husbands back and are willing to repair the fractures in their marriage, all while smiling and hiding their tears, are remarkable. You appear even more beautiful to me because of your inner strength and maturity of soul.
TIME TO CONNECT WITH GOD AND SELF REFLECTION

April 1st, 2025

Waking up in the morning remains a challenge despite going to bed early. Night sleeping as if never enough. To help with this, I try to eliminate negative thoughts and restless feelings before bedtime. Usually, I read a book or watch an entertaining video, which helps me relax and sleep better.

I sit on the bed sometime after waking up and drink a glass of water I had prepared the night before. That’s important to reduce dizziness. I feel easier to take a shower.

After enjoying a warm, invigorating shower, I feel completely refreshed and uplifted—Masha Allah. As I complete my morning routine with the serene Subuh prayer, I take a moment to pause and reflect inwardly. In this tranquil moment, I remind myself that many people face more hardships and challenges than my own. This realization fills me with gratitude and a sense of purpose as I embrace the day ahead.
UNIQUENESS NOT FOR ALL

March 31st, 2025

We are used to considering people who are powerful, rich, and of noble birth as unique, but that is not quite right. They are not all unique. Among them, there are indeed those who are unique because of their outstanding artistic talents, their interesting writings, or their humanitarian activities. The rest are ordinary. They are just lucky because of their position, wealth, or descent.

In my view, unique individuals possess abilities or talents that they utilize to enrich their (spiritual) lives rather than to commercialize them. Their uniqueness is experienced when you are with them, not through other people or their social media posts.

Have you ever heard these words? Every child has their uniqueness.

I think that’s true. On the journey to adulthood, a uniqueness may be sharper. However, most children grow up to be ordinary people, aka following the majority template, driven by the demands of life that require quick action and thinking.

Growing and maintaining uniqueness requires caring and patience. Otherwise, it will vanish.
MY NOTE ABOUT RAMADAN

March 30th, 2025

Today is the last day of Ramadan. A hadith mentions that two different groups of people respond to the end of Ramadan. The happy group and the sad group.

The group of Muslims who are happy to part with the month of Ramadan are those who did not get blessings from the fasting they did. According to them, fasting harsh their lives.

The other group, the sad one, is likely the people who got blessings. They feel sad because the month of full rewards from prayer and fasting will soon end. They are even worried about not meeting the month of Ramadan next year.

Where am I currently?

I am in the middle of both. I feel relieved that Ramadan will soon be over. Balancing office work while fasting and managing household tasks in a sleepy (because of night prayers) is quite challenging.

I am in my 50s, and my stamina isn’t what it used to be; I feel utterly exhausted. However, the promise that Allah will erase all my sins and grant my prayers is what gives me strength to keep going until the last day of Ramadan.

I will miss Ramadan once it is over, but I will not ask Allah to extend it. Human nature cannot fast for more than 30 days continuously. Allah knows my limitations, and so do most people on earth.

I reflect on my life during Ramadhan. I learn to control my ambitions and be modest in my life and thoughts. I sleep very soundly day and night like a baby (that’s one of the physical benefits of fasting that is my overthinking has gone). Ramadhan has updated me.

I promise to become the best version of myself until I meet next year’s Ramadan. But, If it never comes, you know that deep in my heart, I was waiting for Ramadan. He only did not allow me to be with Ramadan anymore.