I have always felt privileged by my parents. When I studied independently in my room, they freed me from housework. My mother bought me pretty good clothes and jewelry even though she had to save money. I am their pride because of my outstanding educational achievements that could not given by their other children.
The problem arose later when I was married. I did not work while my parents had difficulty supporting my younger siblings. I wanted to help but had no money. The money I managed belonged to my husband and me. Our money could not be given to my parent without my husband’s consent. I was too shy to ask, either.
I then started to think about working and having my own income. My decision was firm. I worked and seriously developed a career while continuing my higher education. But the obstacles were not easy. I had two little children and a household to take care of.
However, I am now very grateful for the decision I’ve made. I could help my parent, pamper them in the last days of their lives, and help my younger siblings and relatives who are less fortunate. I can finance personal projects or enjoy my hobbies without draining my husband’s money. I feel the blessing.
The freedom I get from having my own money is very calming. I share this learning with every girl who wants to hear my experience. When I meet my nieces, I advise them to build themselves and get a good job.
“Never depend on your husband’s money, my darlings!”
If you are facing family problems, to what extent are you willing to sacrifice your personal interests so that the problem can be resolved or at least reduced?
The more important message here is never to panic or get angry quickly. I have learned much from this life and tried to find the secret behind a problem. Some of the things I have learned are as follows:
When a problem worsens, I remind myself that it is likely reaching its peak and will soon start to improve. I strive to stay calm and maintain my sanity, avoiding panic. Instead, I focus on praying and finding ways to lessen its impact.
If there is an opportunity to resolve it with sacrifice from my side, but the sacrifice is not principled, I will take that solution.
Open communication with close family members is essential when addressing family issues. I take the initiative in these situations. My children may struggle to resolve their problems, often postponing them, so I make it a point to approach them and offer my help as much as possible.
Peace of life is my priority. I convey this to family members so that they understand and have one vision for resolving family problems.
What is your perspective about this matter, my friends? Do you think that your children’s problems are not your concern?
Don’t expect to find true friends at work; they usually don’t exist. Instead, you may encounter two-faced individuals who act like enemies.
Who wants to be a scapegoat? All the blame is placed on him, even though he has worked well, but is not considered.
I certainly don’t want to.
Someone who is in the position of a scapegoat must have experienced tough and stressful days. No matter how loud he shouts, the people around him do not respond positively.
In the workplace, unhealthy competition often occurs. Coworkers may undermine one another due to ambitious motives or claim credit for others’ work as their own success, which is unfortunately common.
Don’t expect to find true friends at work; they usually don’t exist. Instead, you may encounter two-faced individuals who act like enemies.
Maybe that expression is too harsh, but it is to remind you that office friendships are fake. Don’t bring friendship in the office into your personal space. It can reveal your weaknesses in front of people whose sincerity has not been tested.
In an unfair situation, there are several steps to deal with it.
Stay calm and professional.
Gather evidence to support your argument.
Communicate your concerns to your boss or coworkers.
Seek support from coworkers or mentors who can help you deal with the situation.
If circumstances worsen, you may file a formal complaint or seek assistance from a third party.
In addition, you need to increase your authority so that you are not always the victim or scapegoat.
How? Strengthen your integrity as someone honest, transparent, and consistent. People with this character will naturally attract followers who can become your defenders.
Communicate any issues by clearly presenting your accomplishment and supporting evidence, as outlined in your job description. Firmly assert that you should not be held responsible for tasks outside your duties. Remember, you are not expected to handle everything perfectly or possess supernatural abilities.
Face conflict calmly and courageously. This will build itself if you have done the task correctly according to the direction of your superior and coordinated with colleagues. Keep learning to improve the right way to communicate and make past mistakes as a medium for self-improvement.
Writing and reading have different atmospheres to start with. Reading is easier. I can read highly literary literature like Pride and Prejudice anytime. However, I will not allow any conversation while I read such classic novels. It’s not the same when I read contemporary novels/books.
When I write a blog or any article, the situation is different. I need more; the tranquility of the surrounding environment, ideas for writing, and supporting data/information to develop the writing. Sometimes, in the middle of completing the writing, I need to watch TikTok, Instagram, or Netflix and click on related topics to give a refreshing touch to my writing.
I challenge myself to write anything daily, so I get used to writing. Writing and gardening are two activities that I plan to accompany my retirement days.
Do you know the challenging part of completing a writing?
Inserting the nuances of my feelings so that the writing is truly unique and does not only contain normative things. How about you? Is the difficulty the same with me?
My husband and I have been working for more than 25 years. Our jobs are classified as professional jobs with reasonable salaries. Thankfully, we can live comfortably. Our two children have received a decent education and are working in their dream fields with bright prospects.
However, I think that my family could catch up to a more prosperous life if we managed our income well. I don’t need to worry about my retirement if I have planned to invest some of my income.
I review the lifestyle experienced by many families who fall into the Middle-Class Trap; a situation in which families earn enough income to meet basic needs but fail to improve their economic status due to several factors.
The five luxurious lifestyles below are very familiar in my country:
Consumptive. I like to shop, especially for clothes. I follow trends without thinking that the money is better invested or saved for retirement. I was so naive that my pension money could cover my needs in old age. After sharing my experiences with my seniors, I realized that pension funds only cover the lowest basic needs.
Satisfied with just one source of income. Many want to live as it is without being burdened with targets. Most people lack awareness of financial planning. Many assume that saving in a bank will guarantee financial stability in retirement. They forget that banks only provide a profit of around 4-5%. That’s just for inflation. Issues like this are rarely discussed among civil servants like me.
The demand to look classy in society. The house and car are two things that must have to support style. Many prefer to buy a new car on credit with high interest rather than buying a used car in cash. The endless debt style is commonplace and drains family resources.
Big party. Indonesian people have a habit of celebrating family events by inviting many people, not only the closest people but also many who are not known personally. As a result, there is a budget overrun. The parties include weddings, joint prayers for the deceased, birthday celebrations, welcoming the birth of a baby, and so on.
Supporting the economy of the extended family. It is common in Indonesia for someone to continue supporting their siblings even though they already have a family. It is a kind of abdication to the family.
In my opinion, Indonesians need additional time to change. How much longer, yeah?
Good intentions will lead to disappointment, friendship will turn into enmity, and brotherhood will be destroyed. Never lend money to relatives or friends.
This statement sounds cruel, but it is true. Many people get a bad response when they ask for their money back. This happens especially among family and friends.
In Eastern culture, relatives and friends are the first people to be met when someone faces financial difficulties. This still happens even though banks exist and they are willing to provide financing as soon as possible.
The person who lends money faces a dilemma; lending money brings uncertainty about the return of funds, but if he refuses, the friendship or kinship relationship could be damaged or awkward.
Here are some considerations before deciding to lend or not lend money to your close friend or relative:
Make sure your relationship with him is good and he is trustworthy.
The amount of money he borrows is within your ability, and he can return it.
Pay attention to the reason he lends money. If it is for something unimportant, you should refuse it firmly.
Give yourself time to think about it. Never answer without thinking it through.
If you decide not to lend it, it’s a good idea to donate some money to help them out of their predicament. Say sorry for not being able to help and sincerely hope that the donation eases their current predicament.
This has worked in many cases that I’ve experienced.
I will clean one of the most neglected rooms in the house, dust and sweep it, and throw away unused items.
Perhaps, I need to refresh my mind by gardening. Walking around the house by bringing a camera, taking pictures or videos for my next writing material, and Instagram or TikTok content are also interesting activities.
When you cannot resolve a conflict by yourself, it is time to involve God.
I have many experiences related to that case. Once, it almost made me depressed. I didn’t know to whom I should share my thoughts. I felt cornered. He -my colleague who conflicted with me- reported me to our boss. In response, I said bad things about him to defend myself, but it was not helpful.
I blame myself for gossiping about him. The way I responded to his actions made me a bad person. What will I do to be restful and resolve the conflict? One night, I prayed. In the last prostrate in Shalah, I expressed my frustration.
“God, keep him away from me, protect me from his evil slanders. Make him fear me.”
I utter the prayers again and again. Frequent prayers bring tranquility at last.
Slowly, I don’t see him as a big enemy anymore. My perception of him is softer. When I talk to or meet him, He changes too. He is now less bossy and more careful with his words.
The prayers saved my situation. Though it is difficult to be a good friend, at least he is not a threat anymore. I am also reminded to be wiser and more forgiving. The prayer actually impacts both sides.
Melihat pakaian yang bertumpuk-tumpuk di lemari pakaian, timbul perasaan bersalah mengapa dulu begitu menggebu-gebu membeli semua ini. Semua masih terlihat baru, bagus, tak ada sobek atau bernoda, namun jarang dipakai. Modelnya pun belum out of date, dan harga belinya lumayan. Hanya rasa bosan yang membuatnya jarang dipakai lagi.
Kondisi tersebut juga banyak dirasakan oleh wanita lain. Industri garmen dan fashion termasuk yang paling berkembang di Indonesia saat ini. Berbagai pusat belanja khusus garmen tumbuh di berbagai kota khususnya di Pulau Jawa. Walau dikabarkan sepi, namun pembelian lewat e-commerce berkembang pesat. Godaan untuk membeli pakaian selalu datang setiap kali membuka media sosial.
Sebenarnya berapa sih jumlah pakaian yang dibutuhkan seseorang sepertiku agar tampil pantas? Aku ini seorang wanita bekerja 5 hari dalam satu minggu (sering berada di lapangan atau desa), usia paruh baya, weekend lebih sering di rumah dibanding di luar/mal, dan menghadiri undangan pesta perkawinan maksimal 4 kali dalam satu bulan.
Ini hitungan yang kubuat dengan pertimbangan gaya hidup minimalis. Pakaian kerja 5 set, tak selalu terpakai setiap minggu terutama saat aku mendapat tugas lapangan. Namun aku tak akan menguranginya. Aku masih mengandalkan layanan laundry yang seringkali tak tepat waktu, untuk amannya 5 stel pakaian kerja itu wajib ada. Outfit ke lapanganku biasanya celana panjang dan atasan kemeja atau baju kaos. Pakaian dalam normalnya diganti dua kali dalam satu hari, namun ada kalanya diganti tiga kali sehingga jumlah 20 set sudah memadai.
JENIS PAKAIAN
KEBUTUHAN MINIMALIS
Pakaian kerja
5 set
Pakaian dalam (bra dan celana dalam)
20 set
Pakaian pesta (batik, pakaian tradisional atau gaun gamis)
4 set
Pakaian keluar rumah (arisan, konkow, self-healing, arisan dll)
7 potong
Pakaian rumah (piyama, kaos, daster, dll)
15 potong
Bawahan (celana kaos, jeans, pantofel, dll)
5 potong
Kerudung
10 potong
Aku tak butuh banyak pakaian pesta. Hanya pesta kerabat dan teman dekat yang kuhadiri sehingga jumlah 4 set sudah cukup. Aku juga mengoleksi berbagai kain tenun yang bisa dipadu padan dengan baju kurung, tunik dan lain-lain sehingga tampilan bisa lebih bervariasi. Tak perlu terintimidasi oleh penampilan wah/glamor undangan lainnya. Aku menempatkan diriku sebagai orang biasa, yang tak dikenal banyak orang dan tak memerlukan validasi dari siapapun.
Pakaian keluar rumah atau hang-out juga tak perlu banyak. Tujuh set cukup. Plus 10 potong kerudung. Baiknya pilih (untuk baju dan kerudung) warna-warna netral polos dan bercorak bunga atau abstrak yang calm sehingga tidak mudah tergilas model terbaru. Aku juga jarang mengikuti kegiatan luar rumah sehingga tak perlu pakaian banyak. Bahkan untuk belanja kebutuhan rumah tangga sering kulakukan waktu istirahat kantor, ke supermarket terdekat. Dibekali list belanja, kegiatan shopping bulanan jadi sat-set, hemat banyak waktu.
Aku justru memerlukan pakaian rumah yang agak banyak. 15 potong. Sebab kegiatan bersih-bersih dan berkebun kulakukan sendiri, pakaian perlu diganti sehabis aktivitas tersebut. Kaos juga kupakai untuk jogging, ditutupi jaket yang nyaman. Koleksi kaosku lumayan banyak, sebagian besar pemberian dari panitia kegiatan tertentu atau acara yang kuhadiri. Selagi kaosnya berbahan katun dan nyaman, aku manfaatkan untuk menambah stok baju dinas rumahan.
Perlu juga menambahkan ke lemari stok celana kaos/rajut, jeans, pantofel sebanyak 5 potong untuk memadu madan semua pakaian atasan yang kumiliki. Mereka menjadi penyelamat. Aku sering memakai celana panjang yang sama dua sampai tiga kali dengan atasan blus/kaos yang berganti-ganti. Tak apa-apa mengeluarkan uang lebih banyak untuk celana panjang yang nyaman dan bermaterial bagus karena mereka dipakai lebih sering dibanding pakaian atasan.
Ternyata tak perlu pakaian banyak ya untuk tampil pantas. Sweet Minimalist. Mudah-mudahan tulisan ini bisa memandumu untuk meminimalkan isi lemari dan keinginan belanja pakaian yang tak diperlukan.
Kebahagiaan merupakan kata yang sering diucapkan namun dianggap terlalu susah didapatkan, apalagi dengan cara biasa-biasa saja. Sepertinya dibutuhkan pencapaian materil yang luar biasa agar seorang bisa merasa bahagia sekaligus diakui oleh orang lain sebagai insan bahagia.
Pendapat seperti itu menggiring kita menjadi orang yang pesimistis. Padahal bahagia bisa bersumber dari mana saja, bahkan datang begitu saja sepanjang kita membuka hati terhadap hal-hal kecil yang dihadirkan Tuhan ke dunia sebagai penghibur untuk jiwa-jiwa yang membutuhkannya. Dan kebahagiaan tidak membutuhkan pengakuan dari orang lain, tidak perlu juga dipamerkan.
Suatu pagi saya keluar rumah lewat pintu belakang untuk menimbun limbah dapur organik ke komposter yang terdapat di bawah pohon buah. Semalaman tidur saya tak enak karena batuk dan maag kambuh. Diserang kondisi itu, saya merasa agak lemah dan melankolis.
Di bawah pohon, embun berjatuhan ke kulit dan rambut. Saya merasa sedikit segar. Kemudian melihat Wijaya Kusuma yang sedang mekar dan bunga spider menjuntai di teras rumah. Keduanya dibaluti kristal embun. Pemandangan tersebut mendadak menyentuh hati, mengingatkan saya seharusnya bersyukur karena hari ini masih bisa bangun. Jika saya mati, tentu keindahan pagi seperti ini tidak bisa lagi saya nikmati.
Hal kecil tersebut bisa mengungkit kebahagian. Pengaruhnya sangat besar. Sepanjang pagi saya menjadi senang bertemu dengan orang lain, menjadi lebih ramah dan mudah tertawa. Memang kebahagiaan tidak bisa berlangsung sepanjang waktu. Tergantung kita sendiri untuk mencari dan memaknai kejadian yang dialami agar bisa menjadi sumber bahagia. Dan ia akan datang berulang-ulang.
Kebahagiaan bisa meningkat levelnya, berlangsung dengan waktu yang lebih lama. Para ahli menyebutnya sebagai ketenangan (tranquility). Dan ini bisa diraih lewat latihan. Berikut beberapa cara untuk menanamkan ketenangan dalam diri:
Mindfulness dan Meditasi
Melalui cara ini kita diminta untuk fokus pada hal yang terjadi saat ini, melepaskan diri dari masa lalu yang membuat gelisah dan prasangka. Meditasi secara rutin akan membantu memusatkan perhatian dan meningkatkan ketenangan.
Latihan Pernafasan
Untuk Latihan ini bisa dipakai metode 4-7-8 (Tarik nafas melalui hidung 4 hitungan, tahan nafas 7 hitungan dan lepaskan nafas perlahan lewat mulut dengan mendesing selama 8 hitungan). Ulangi sebanyak tiga kali.
Koneksikan Diri Dengan Alam
Perbanyak waktu di alam seperti taman, pantai, hutan atau dengan melakukan aktivitas berkebun/merawat tanaman.
Olahraga Teratur dan Gaya Hidup Sehat
Melakukan olahraga secara teratur, pilih yang paling sesuai dengan niat akan dilakukan secara konsisten. Imbangi dengan makan yang sehat dan tidur cukup.
Hindari Pekerjaan Menumpuk
Aturlah agak tidak mengerjakan beberapa/banyak pekerjaan dalam satu waktu tertentu. Lebih baik fokus pada satu pekerjaan dan tuntaskan. Sediakan waktu untuk rehat dan memulihkan diri sebelum memulai pekerjaan berikutnya.
Tumbuhkan Sikap Bersyukur
Hal ini yang sering hilang dari keseharian manusia. Namun ini bisa dibiasakan misalnya dengan menulis jurnal dan menyisipkan ungkapan bersyukur di dalamnya. Atau menyediakan waktu berdoa dan merenung setiap hari yang merefleksikan rasa senang atas anugerah yang diterima hari tersebut.
my thoughts on the environment, travel and life reflections 