The journey won’t always be easy, but in the journey, we grow and change.

I just returned from an 8-day trip, starting from Jambi City, Pekanbaru, Siak, Bengkalis, Duri, Bukittinggi, Padang, and back to Jambi. That was not an easy trip for me and my husband.

How is my feeling right now? I feel confused. My trip started with explosive joy, but now my mind is full of many thoughts. I need to think and digest everything slowly.

I have experienced this type of fatigue before. This is part of my process for digesting information, which I will use to improve my life in the future. Below are the results of my reflections over several days of the trip:

1. My siblings, relatives, and the people I meet seem to be getting older and losing their joy in life. Their enthusiasm has been replaced by calmness or resignation, and they appear more tired. Perhaps I look that way to them as well. Am I?
2. The people I met showed a greater interest in waiting to hear other people’s perspectives. Unlike before, we no longer competed to share our life experiences first.
3. Meeting children and siblings that I initially thought could ease my anxiety has turned out not to be entirely true. Secretly, something got in and disturbed my mind, such as the lives of my children or my nephews in the future. Can they solve their problems well, not get frustrated easily, and not go crazy?

It seems that my nurturing side as an older person is exaggerated. This is dangerous, I think.

There are still many things that I have to digest slowly. I will get through this and find peace. I hope.