my thoughts on the environment, travel and life reflections

BETTER NOT LEND MONEY TO FRIENDS AND RELATIVES

December 20th, 2024
Good intentions will lead to disappointment, friendship will turn into enmity, and brotherhood will be destroyed. Never lend money to relatives or friends.

This statement sounds cruel, but it is true. Many people get a bad response when they ask for their money back. This happens especially among family and friends.

In Eastern culture, relatives and friends are the first people to be met when someone faces financial difficulties. This still happens even though banks exist and they are willing to provide financing as soon as possible.

The person who lends money faces a dilemma; lending money brings uncertainty about the return of funds, but if he refuses, the friendship or kinship relationship could be damaged or awkward.

Here are some considerations before deciding to lend or not lend money to your close friend or relative:
- Make sure your relationship with him is good and he is trustworthy.
- The amount of money he borrows is within your ability, and he can return it.
- Pay attention to the reason he lends money. If it is for something unimportant, you should refuse it firmly.
- Give yourself time to think about it. Never answer without thinking it through.
If you decide not to lend it, it’s a good idea to donate some money to help them out of their predicament. Say sorry for not being able to help and sincerely hope that the donation eases their current predicament.

This has worked in many cases that I’ve experienced.

My Mother Talked About Financial Independence
SHOPPING TIME IS NO LONGER FUN

December 19th, 2024

Daily writing prompt
List your top 5 grocery store items.
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Since my husband and I are the only two at home, we no longer make shopping for daily necessities a routine every two weeks. Now, I shop alone, take advantage of my break time at the office, and buy daily necessities at the nearest shopping center.

When the children were still with us, shopping was a fun family activity. After shopping, we would have lunch at the mall cafeteria.

My youngest child loved to accompany me shopping even though he was a teenager. Many people say that children his age wouldn’t want to join their parents’ events, but he didn’t refuse to join. I know why he enjoyed shopping with me. Indeed, he had to carry all the groceries from the shopping cart to the car, but he got what he wanted, such as deodorant, perfume, hair jelly, snacks, and others. Whatever he wanted, I fulfilled it. I also enjoyed seeing him entertained by buying items he needed to be stylish.

However, my eldest child didn’t go shopping. He preferred to stay at home. He still asked to be bought his favorite foods, such as crunchy snacks. His job was to arrange all the groceries in their place according to my instructions.

The top 5 groceries on my list are:

1. Cooking oil

2. Fruits and juices

3. Eggs

4. Vegetables

5. Biscuits
THE DILEMMA OF DECLUTTERING

December 18th, 2024

I just realized that my house is full of unused stuff when I bought a new car to replace the old one. The garage has been used as a storage room for years. Now the garage will be returned to its function.

My husband and I had to throw away and rearrange all the stuff in it. The cluttering was a tough job because we had different opinions. Our argument is whether to throw away or keep certain things. He tends to keep his old stuff, while I dream of having a fresh and clean room again by throwing away some unused stuff.

“I will need it someday,” my husband argued whenever I asked him to throw away some clothes, books, etc.

I have tried many times to throw away broken or unused items, but before I managed to take them to the public disposal facility, I then found them in the garage or in old suitcases. My husband had restored it.

Decluttering is a dilemma. Each item has its memories. There, guilt arises as if you have been cruel to the once useful things; or were once associated with people you love.

If throwing things away is difficult, letting go of painful memories in your mind and heart is even more complicated. Holding onto bad memories will damage a person through feelings of anxiety, never being truly happy, and life becoming stagnant.

Maybe that’s how my husband feels, although not to the extreme.

Now I find the best way to get rid of old things: I do it when my husband is not home. I do it in small amounts and bring it away before my husband sees and saves it back.

I’ve done it several times. He never lost or asked for the item back.
Life Is Not Entirely Yours

December 17th, 2024

Daily writing prompt
Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?
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I remembered the words of the Prophet Muhammad that motivated me to achieve good things in my life.

Whoever is in a state where the quality of his life today is better than before days, is a fortunate one.

Before December ends, I usually construct plans for the coming year. I divide these plans or resolutions into two groups: spiritual and non-spiritual. Balance in life is essential; the spiritual and non-spiritual aspects cannot be separated since both support each other to build one’s personal qualities.

Currently, I focus on how to increase my family’s faith. This is a personal issue from a liberal perspective, but not for me. I hold Islamic values. According to Islamic values, parents should educate their children to be pious. The greatest happiness for a Muslim is to have pious children. If you have one or two pious children, that will be the best legacy you leave to the world.

It is not a simple task since my children are growing up. Yet, I keep trying. I remind them about the importance of doing good, being close to Allah, and being afraid of committing injustice.

I also made considerable progress in other aspects of my life, including preparing for retirement time. I admit that there are some targets that I failed to achieve, but I made a lot of progress. Not everything is under my control.
Would Women’s Financial Independence Be a Challenge to Marital Happiness?

December 16th, 2024

Financial independence is now a hot topic in Indonesia. Many women dream of it, supported by increasing levels of education. Women’s opportunities to get jobs are wide open because equality is guaranteed by law.

In Indonesian tradition, women have long worked outside the home as teachers, traders, or tailors. In Minangkabau, for example, women have worked in the market for quite a long time.

In Batak culture, the wives, often called Inang-Inang, work in the family garden and sell the harvest to the market. They are hard workers and family heroes who bring children to a higher level of education and social status in society.

Their young generation now enjoys more stable work in modern offices as government and bank employees, lawyers, and teachers/lecturers. Some professions provide high incomes, and the smartness in reinvesting their money makes women achieve financial independence. Some have much higher incomes than their husbands. In such a situation, the husband must give space to his wife because the contribution given by his wife cannot be underestimated.

Is financial independence a factor in the high divorce rate in Indonesia? We must be careful in our assessment. According to media sources, the main causes of divorce in several big cities in Indonesia are constant quarrels, economic pressure, family neglect, domestic violence, and drunkenness.

The economic pressure above means a lack of allowance from a husband to his wife and children. That is certainly very different from financial independence that I mean. A woman’s financial independence will bring more happiness to a married couple and their children. It is not a trigger for divorce but positively resolves the family’s economic difficulties. At least a wife does not need to fight with her husband to get money for her personal needs.

Financial independence will also lead a woman to explore other skills that she wants. Many women with higher incomes study other skills, such as writing or photography, without sacrificing their previous jobs. Often, these new skills become an additional income.

Financial independence is a consequence of educational equality between women and men. I support it. If anyone objects, I feel that they may have been born in the wrong era. If financial independence can make a woman happy, we should support it.

A happy woman will be a more pleasant person for her husband, children, and extended family. Do you agree with me?
From Spain to Marocco, and Raja Ampat

December 15th, 2024
I knew these places from novels and books. The descriptions of the towns are so enchanting that I feel as if I am standing on a hill and observing them, including the buildings and the nature around them.

The beauty of coral reefs, and the diversity of fish and the abundant marine wealth in Raja Ampat, West Papua

Here are some dreamed cities and their descriptions according to novels and books.
1. San Antonio in Spain.
  The novel Sleeping Tiger by Rosamunde Pilcher tells the story of Selena. She is obsessed with her father, whom she has never met. She thinks a novelist who lives on the island might be her father. The descriptions of the island, the old house, the cafes on the beach, and the friendly people made me wonder. Is the island as beautiful as the description in the novel?
1. Casablanca, Rabat. Fez, etc. in Morocco
  I dream of visiting these cities after reading the book Marocco, Its People, and Place written by Edmondo De Amicis and translated into English by C. Rollin-Tilton. The author explored Old Morocco in the 18th century. Local people, old buildings, deserts, and traditional Moroccan clothes with bright colors will be interesting objects to see. I think Moroccan culture may be a mixture of African and Arab cultures.
1. Raja Ampat Islands in Papua, Indonesia.
  I live in the western part of Indonesia, while Raja Ampat is in the eastern part. The distance is very far. The plane ticket is very expensive, almost 6 million rupiah, or around US$ 400. The beauty of this island, especially under the sea, is amazing. This place includes the 6th Must-Visit Location in the world in 2023.
You Look Wonderful

December 14th, 2024

Daily writing prompt
Tell us one thing you hope people say about you.
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Staying attractive, smart, and well-groomed is my constant strive. At 55, it’s not easy.

Health will affect beauty and neatness. Learning from women my age who give up on taking care of their bodies, I want my appearance to be attractive, smart, and pleasant. I do it to appreciate myself, not to impress men, not at all. That’s why I don’t do plastic surgery. Instead, I choose a healthy lifestyle.

In the 50s, you faced the condition of gray hair covering your head, the stomach tended to be bloated, and the skin was getting dull. Looking attractive required more effort. Keeping healthy will contribute to a good appearance.

Neatness is also essential. I organize my daily activities and my belongings as neatly as possible. It helps me complete work and find an item when needed. That would prevent senility.

So if someone says I still look wonderful in my 50s, that would be a vitamin.

Silent Walking with Dhikr
My Friend Hated Papaya

December 13th, 2024

Who doesn’t know papaya?

I think everyone must know papaya. This yellow-to-orange fruit grows effortlessly and bears fruit all year round. In Asian countries, papaya is commonly served as a dessert along with oranges and bananas.

Papaya can grow itself because its seeds are accidentally spread when someone throws them out of the trash. It is not surprising that many papaya trees are found around houses with yards.

This is my friend’s story. Her house in the countryside was surrounded by a subsistence garden that produced vegetables and fruits. There were many papaya trees around the house.

Because her family is quite large, the mother manages her expenses carefully. Their garden brought about eggs, vegetables, and fruits to meet the family’s food needs.

Rather than buying other fruits, Mother served papaya on the dining table every day. My friend felt nauseous seeing and eating papaya, but she and her siblings had to eat. Her parents did not allow food to be wasted.

No day without papaya was so attached to her mind. When she got a job and earned his own income, she stopped eating papaya.

“It’s a relief not to see papaya on my dining table anymore,” she said and laughed.

Indeed, papaya was once associated with the lower-income group. Papaya used to have no market value, in contrast to grapes, apples, and pears, which are known as fruits for the middle class and are a bit expensive.

Now, Papaya in Indonesia has a selling value. The new variety of California papaya captures the hearts of consumers with its orange flesh and skin and sugary taste. This type is sold in supermarkets, unlike local papayas, which are usually sold in traditional markets or on the side of the road.

My friend started eating papaya again, although not every day.
I’ve made peace with papaya, she said, again laughing.
Tips to Ease Tension Between Siblings

December 12th, 2024
Sibling relationships are complicated. Some people feel alienated from their siblings, even escalating tension and resentment. Deep down, there is a feeling of longing and sadness.

How beautiful this world would be if I had sibling with whom I could share my life stories, who could mutually understand and strengthen.

According to Islamic values, brotherhood must be kept well. Islamic scholars agree that giving alms to relatives is more important than giving alms to others. It means your sibling is the first to be helped and supported before anyone else.

However, this is not always easy. Some factors, including past conflicts, awkward relationships, or high self-regard, hinder the desire to reconcile. In such a situation, what should be done? Here are some tips.
- Heal past wounds. If this is the root of the problem that is driving you and your sibling apart, you must heal it first by forgiving, being patient, or trying to accept the past and forget it.
- Set boundaries between siblings. It is essential to respect each other’s personal space.
- Spend more time together. Having dinner or working out together may strengthen your relationship. Respect each other’s uniqueness and avoid conversations that lead to accusations or blame.
- Celebrate each other’s accomplishments and make it a tradition to renew your relationship. Praising each other can reduce the competition that may have existed.
- Help each other overcome difficulties. Togetherness in facing problems can strengthen emotional bonds between siblings.
There are many other tips that you can develop on your own. Based on my experience, mental maturity is a basic to improve sibling relationships.
Silent Walking with Dhikr

December 11th, 2024
Daily writing prompt
What are your favorite physical activities or exercises?
View all responses

As a nature lover, I often visited many remote areas that can only be reached by walking. I enjoy the experience and never complain.

However, walking to maintain health is a different challenge. You can’t rely on your husband, friends, or anyone else to accompany you when you are not in a mood. Walking requires great determination, and you have to do it yourself.

I add value to my routine walking by reciting dhikr along the route. I recite Subhannal (Holy God almighty) up to 500 times at one time and another time Astagfirullah (forgive me, Allah). I feel that dhikr increases the steadiness of my steps and my determination to live a healthy life. This is also very relevant to the trend of silent walking.

For a moment, three times walking a week for a minimum duration of 40 minutes is sufficient. Gradually, I will increase it to five times a week.

Walking for health is not just walking. Several standards must be fulfilled to benefit your health. Here are some tricks to make your walk beneficial.
- Stretch your body before starting to walk. The goal is to activate muscles and reduce the risk of pain and injury.
- Walk interspersed with short jogs. For example, every 2 minutes of walking interspersed with a 10-second run.
- Take an uphill path. The benefit is to burn more calories.
- Keep your eyes focused forward to maintain speed and lengthen your stride.
- Increase your walking target gradually until you reach 10,000 steps a day.
How about you? Do you like silent walking too?